I have a hard time thinking of a neighborhood less fashionable than Locust Manor, Queens — even the name is terrible — but these days, even Locust Manor merits sexy new condos worthy of being advertised alongside all the Hudson-adjacent Jersey megaplexes in today’s Metro Wednesday real-estate section. Things I especially like about Locust Manor Estates:
- The gutsy phone number, 888-FOR-LOCUST
- The logo, which seems designed to convey the message, “We’re talking about the tree, not the horrifying swarming insect”
- The existence of a “Senior Living” page on its website, which you can bet fellow Metro Wednesday advertiser Trump Tower Jersey City‘s site wouldn’t offer, despite its video of a pretty abysmal-looking Donald on the homepage
- The spelling of “Comming Soon” on the aforementioned page
Most of all, though, I like LME’s page on “The Community,” which looks unappealing enough that maybe they just should’ve discreetly left it out. Particularly great is the “Entertainment” section — and yes, those are sarcastic quotes — which lists seven attractions, including a batting range conveniently located right behind my old high school and nowhere near Locust Manor.
Next up to get luxury condos will be — oh, wait. I don’t think there’s anywhere left.