Suburban Southeastern Queens is hot hot hot!

I have a hard time thinking of a neighborhood less fashionable than Locust Manor, Queens — even the name is terrible — but these days, even Locust Manor merits sexy new condos worthy of being advertised alongside all the Hudson-adjacent Jersey megaplexes in today’s Metro Wednesday real-estate section. Things I especially like about Locust Manor Estates:

  1. The gutsy phone number, 888-FOR-LOCUST
  2. The logo, which seems designed to convey the message, “We’re talking about the tree, not the horrifying swarming insect”
  3. The existence of a “Senior Living” page on its website, which you can bet fellow Metro Wednesday advertiser Trump Tower Jersey City‘s site wouldn’t offer, despite its video of a pretty abysmal-looking Donald on the homepage
  4. The spelling of “Comming Soon” on the aforementioned page

Most of all, though, I like LME’s page on “The Community,” which looks unappealing enough that maybe they just should’ve discreetly left it out. Particularly great is the “Entertainment” section — and yes, those are sarcastic quotes — which lists seven attractions, including a batting range conveniently located right behind my old high school and nowhere near Locust Manor.

Next up to get luxury condos will be — oh, wait. I don’t think there’s anywhere left.

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One response to “Suburban Southeastern Queens is hot hot hot!

  1. Hysterical. I, too, know the neighborhood and was wondering how they would market these houses. Notice they mentioned nothing about the railroad track that runs behind the property!!!

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